The Day My Life Changed Forever

 

I am so grateful for my brothers who immediately came to my side.  Thank you Robby, Brent and Kami.  Thank you David and Lyla for being there.  Thank you Shannon for dropping everything immediately and grabbing your wet laundry and Alexa and driving 8 hours to get here as fast as you could!  Thank you to my mom and dad who stayed by our sides.  Thank you to Rebecca for a walk in the woods to just breathe.  Thank you to my Debi and my other Debbie.  I love you girls.  Thank you to all those who helped with and came to the services.  I can't even begin to thank all those who helped in every way.  And thank you my beautiful children for your individual and collective courage and strength...and Shannon K...we couldn't have done it without you.

Most of all, thank you to my Dennis.  We've been side-by-side for 25 years, never anticipating such an event.  You are my rock.  I love you forever.

Eulogy

Mackenzie Brandon Heinzlmeir
By Dennis Michael Heinzlmeir

My family and I are so blessed to have the family and friends we have in our lives.  Meals, flowers, thoughts and prayers—care for our younger children—the list goes on.  It means so much and words cannot describe our gratitude.  We couldn’t function without your help.  I am a little scatter-brained right now.  The day after we learned of Mac’s death, I had a partial crown and the next day, had my teeth cleaned.  I then went over to WalMart to get 3 things.  One thing from my own list and 2 from Kelly’s.  When I walked into the store, I remembered my one item but had to call Kelly and ask her to remind me of her 2 items.  I left the store with only 2 items.  It wasn’t until I got home when Kelly asked where the ‘Tide’ was that I remembered the 3rd item.

This is the 2nd eulogy I have given.  I gave one for my Grandmother who passed away on September 11, 2001.  Never would I have imagined that I would be giving one for one of my children.

Our son, Mackenzie, known by most as ‘Mac’ (unless his mother was calling him with ‘serious’ undertones…) was born with his twin sister Kaitlin on June 27, 1991 at the Peter Lougheed Hospital in Calgary, Alberta.  Mac weighed only 3 lbs 7 oz at 32 weeks.  I was so proud, that I did what any other, non-smoking, excited new father would do…went immediately to Bernard Callebaut Chocolates and bought every pink and blue fine ‘chocolate’ cigar I could.  I then passed them out to all our friends and family.

As a toddler, Mac was always concerned with his younger siblings and twin sister.  He was a caregiver.  Once when Taylor was recovering from surgery at the age of 2 and in a great deal of pain, Mac jumped down from the table where he was colouring, and dashed to their bedroom to get Taylor’s favourite bear and ran it to him.  He returned to his colouring project without saying a word.  He was very curious which translated to mischievous at such a young age…and one example of this was when he and his cousins decided to inspect the red ink stamp that was a part of a postage meter I had in my office.  They rolled the ink roller into the carpet and thought they could hide the evidence…if only they had a mirror.  They emerged from the basement covered in red ink. 
One of Mac’s school field trips that I was able to participate in, was a biking trip in Kananaskis.  Hwy 40 is closed in the spring so it makes for a great biking road.  There were a lot of bikes that day on that Hwy.  Mac always wanted to be in the front…to be first…and his bike only had 1 speed.  Others had fancy 3, 4, 5, 20 speed bikes, but Mac’s one gear required a great deal of physical strength.  His legs were just spinning and spinning.  He never gave up. 

A lot of our trips with our children for myself, have included a tent and sleeping bag in the woods.  Interestingly though, Kelly’s trips with the kids have included Europe and hotels!

One particular memory I have of a fun family trip was when we went white water rafting down the North Saskatchewan River with the Barbers.  We had already buckled in half over one set of rapids…and recovered…with all heads (and dog) accounted for.  When we came upon another set, close to the wall of the riverbank, Debbie yelled “duck” to the kids as there were overhanging roots coming out of the wall.  Well, Mac and Tory thought she said “jump!” and so they did.  After a quick rescue from intense rapids…we were on our way.  Mac always offered the excitement for our trips.

Mac always enjoyed his scouting years from ages 8 to 17.  He participated in many summer and winter camps, mountain climbing, hiking, scuba diving and fishing trips.  Learning valuable lessons along the way and becoming a young man willing to help those in need at all times.

He enjoyed various sports such as baseball, football, soccer and underwater hockey (which is not a great spectator sport, I must say…but I stayed and ‘watched’ regardless).

Mac was a member of the Westwood Music Association choir for several years as he developed his beautiful singing voice.  He volunteered through the association to raise funds for trips and equipment.  One time while serving at a hotel, he earned a $100 tip…because he was just that friendly and outgoing…and the guy had the same name and thought that was pretty cool that he was called ‘Mac’ too.

Mac loved to build things.  He would always do it however, without reading instructions.  In the end, it would take him half the time it would take me…but there would inevitable be 3 or 4 pieces left over.  I hung onto those pieces…just in case.  I’m an engineer—which means, all the pieces must fit in order for this ‘thing’ to work.  Well, Mac proved me wrong, every time.

In Grade 10, he was able to travel to France and Switzerland with the school French group.  We gave them spending money…and Mac saved all of his for one precious item.  His eye on the prize always…he bought himself a Swiss watch.  He would’ve gone without food to get that watch!

Mac did well in school considering the fact that he never did homework.  This strategy worked until the end of high school…Mac studied grade 12 in Hurricane, Utah at Diamond Ranch Academy where he excelled in all subjects.  He became a mentor for younger boys entering the academy and learned amazing life skills.  He also graduated from the seminary program while attending DRA.

Mac worked for my employer, Jacobs Engineering, twice.  Once as a summer student and again as an insulator.  Mac spent one year attending Grant MacEwan University in Edmonton and decided it wasn’t for him.  This is when he decided to look into the trade of insulating and successfully entered as an apprentice.  He loved his work and the people he worked with.  He worked at Shell, Ft. Saskatchewan and here at Nexen, Long Lake. 

Mac was accident prone.  He holds the record for the most injuries of any family member—collectively!  Not something you want to brag about at work where we believe that all accidents are preventable.  I am proud to say, that he had no workplace injuries!

Mac suffered from hemiplegic migraines.  He was hospitalized 3 times within 3 weeks when he was first diagnosed.  With the trips to the ER, it always included him throwing up in my truck…not opening the window fast enough…which was all good…because I got a new truck shortly afterwards.   He would be in excruciating pain, half his body with be paralyzed and he was unable to speak.  We were so grateful to get results and he then had medication he took to prevent these episodes. 

He was always so concerned if anyone in the family was hurt or in pain.  Once Kelly tripped in the kitchen, winded herself and injured her back.  She was lying there and none of us really knew what to do…Mac was so upset he ran and hid until someone came to get him to let him know his Mom was going to be just fine.  This was the case as well when I had an accident on our quad.  I flipped and Kelly wasn’t home when we got home, so I needed him to be prepared to call 911 if I lost consciousness…he almost lost consciousness just hearing me say those words to him!  He would pass out as a child if we had to remove a sliver even and therefore, we had to keep him close to the floor when something traumatic happened.
I have asked each of the children to remember a time with Mac that warms their heart. 

Kaitlin thought of the time they were raking leaves for a neighbour.  The rake was hidden under the leaves and Kaitlin happened to step on it…the wrong way of course…and it came up and smacked her in the forehead.  Mac was so concerned for her, that he carried her all the way home, piggy-back.

Kelly’s brother Rob will read a letter from Taylor following my remarks.  He is serving a mission in Montreal, Mandarin speaking and wanted to be contribute to the service, though he couldn’t be here with us today.  Taylor and Mac were very close as they were only 18 months apart. 

Jenna, turning 19 in a couple weeks says that Mac was always a little kid at heart.  He was always the first one to wake up on Christmas morning and orchestrate the opening of the stockings with the his siblings…he’s unwrap everything in the stocking, check it out, and then re-pack the stocking for opening on Mom and Dad’s bed later…and did a great job of looking surprised!  He also always knew how many presents under the tree were for him!  His energy and big heart helped bring so much spirit to the day.

Lewis, 16 says that when we lived in Saprae Creek on our acreage, Mac and he would go quad ding in deep mud and then get stuck.  They loved to get it muddy…but never wash it afterwards…that was always my job as the Dad!  Lewis said that he and Mac would climb on the roof of the house to watch a double rainbow.  You know, because the roof is much better than the ground!!!!

Austin, 12 says that he remembers all the times Mac played sports with him…ultimate Frisbee and basketball to name a few.  Never short of energy.

Brittany, 10, loved when Mac and Kaitlin took all the little kids to see the movie Smurfs 2 this past summer.  She also remembers walks in Saprae with our dog, Brommel.

Brianna, 8, remembers the times that Mac played the game of LIFE with her and spending time with the kids at the playground.

James, 6, loves the time Mac helped him build a house out of Lego.  One of Jimmy’s favourite movies is Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, and Mac would watch this with him, over and over.

Reggie, 6, loved playing video games and iPad games with Mac.  They are both pros with electronics…and Reggie’s all-time favourite memory of Mac is when they would build a fort in the family room with blankets…I think it was more like an apartment complex and they used EVERY blanket in the house.

Dane, 4, says that he loved building the train sets with Mac.

Mac LOVES his little brothers and sisters.  He was very, very attentive to them.  He would talk and talk with them…and he is one of the few people in the family who never grew tired of their questions. 

In looking back on Mac’s life, I think of many family vacations spent together.  He experienced great adventures in his life.  He was strong in his faith.  He is now resting from his worldly labours and is in a better place.  Lewis received a card from his friends that I would like to quote to conclude my comments.

The Journey Home
“There’s a path that leads to a turn in the road, and we each must travel there.
Where the Father waits to take us home to the shelter of His care…
Where happiness and peace and joy replace the tears and pain.
And our loved ones rest in the arms of God to sweetly live again.

Praying God will hold you close, and gently ease your sorrow, heal you heart and strengthen you for every new tomorrow.”


Mac you will be missed by your parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters, cousins, uncles and aunties, and all those who have had the pleasure of knowing you in this life.
See you soon buddy. 

 

 ...and for Eternity.

For Mac
By Kelly Heinzlmeir
October 22 and 26th, 2013
Memorial Service in Ft. McMurray, AB
Burial and Memorial in Airdrie, AB

Life After Death…

This is the talk that I prepared after learning our son Mackenzie Brandon Heinzlmeir had passed away on October 16, 2013.  The title…because it’s what I believe…but I also ask this question to myself, after a mother buries her child…is there life after death for those of us left behind?  The answer is YES, but it takes time, effort and endurance on my part to find it again.  And I will.  We all will.

My first feelings...
On June 27, 1991, my Mackenzie Brandon Heinzlmeir was born.  How could I be so lucky to be his Mom, I thought to myself.  Even as a grown man, he still called me ‘Mommy’…On October 16, 2013, he went back to our Father in Heaven.

I can’t even describe how I feel.  He is such an amazing person.  His 22 years on this earth were hard.  Really hard.  Mentally and physically—his challenges were so great, right from the start.  But…he was loved!  So many loved him—and he loved so many in return.  When he loved, it was with all his heart.  I miss him.  The day I was told he died, I was inconsolable.  I felt like I should open the scriptures…I didn’t think it would help, but this is what I opened to:  Mosiah 24:14 which reads “And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.”  This scripture was, and will always be, a tender mercy.

We were beyond sorrow in those first hours of hearing of Mac’s passing, and we realized we needed help.  We all knelt as Dennis offered a beautiful family prayer.  I can testify that the Holy Ghost comforted each person in that room that early morning, like being wrapped in a warm blanket.  I could feel it myself, and it was as though I could ‘see’ the blanket of love and comfort wrap around each of my other children in the room.  I will be ever-grateful for that moment of peace and hope.  It was only the beginning of an arduous journey, but set the stage for us to mourn together and remember together, and make it through—together—with love and hope.  So many things have changed for us on this said journey, but I know we can make it through with the help of family, friends, loved ones, and our Saviour.  



For Mac, and for each of us…


My thoughts today—I have many.  The ones I want to share with each of you, are the most important ones I feel at this time.

Some of you may wonder why I chose to speak—and likewise, why Dennis chose to speak—and I get that!  My nephew, Kevin, passed away 15 years ago…he was 3.  My brother and his wife both spoke at the service.  I was sitting in the pew, a mess, and wondered how THEY could make it through.  But they did, and so will I.

Some of you are members of our church, and some of you are not.  Therefore, I’d like to share with you a little bit about our beliefs so that you will not only be able to better understand how we are feeling at this time…but also for my own sake—to remind myself out loud of the faith I have in God’s plan for each of us, His children.

My talk is made up of my own thoughts combined with excerpts from 2 talks; one from Russell M. Nelson entitled “Doors of Death” and the other by Spencer W. Kimball, “Death, Tragedy or Destiny”.

Life does not begin with birth, nor does it end with death.  Prior to our birth, we dwelt as spirit children with our Father in Heaven.  There we eagerly anticipated the possibility of coming to earth and obtaining a physical body.  Knowingly we wanted the risks of mortality, which would allow the exercise of agency and accountability.  “This life was to become a probationary state; a time to prepare to meet God.” (Alma 12:24).  But we regarded the returning home as the best part of that long-awaited trip, just as we do now.  Before embarking on any journey, we like to have some assurance of a round-trip ticket.  Returning from earth to life in our heavenly home requires passage through—and not around—the doors of death.  We were born to die, and we die to live. (See Cor. 6:9).  As seedlings of God, we barely blossom on earth; we fully flower in heaven. (Nelson)


Spencer W. Kimball said, “If we looked at mortality as the whole of existence, then pain, sorrow, failure, and short life would be calamity.  But if we look upon life as an eternal thing stretching far into the pre-mortal past and on into the eternal post-death future, then all happenings may be put in proper perspective.

Is there not wisdom in his giving us trials that we might rise above them, responsibilities that we might achieve, work to harden our muscles, sorrows to try our souls?  Are we not exposed to temptations to test our strength, sickness that we might learn patience, death that we might be immortalized and glorified?

If all the sick for whom we pray were healed, if all the righteous were protected and the wicked destroyed, the whole program of the Father would be annulled and the basic principle of the gospel, free agency (or, the right to choose) would be ended.  No man would have to live by faith.
If joy and peace and rewards were instantaneously given the doer of good, there could be no evil—all would do good but not because of the rightness of doing good.  There would be no test of strength, no development of character, no growth of powers, no agency.

Should all prayers be immediately answered according to our selfish desires and our limited understanding, then there would be little or no suffering, sorrow, disappointment, or even death, and if these were not, there would also be no joy, success, resurrection, nor eternal life and godhood. (Kimball)

Death separates “the spirit and the body which are the soul of man.” (D&C 88:15.)  That separation evokes pangs of sorrow and shock among those left behind.  The hurt is real.  Only its intensity varies.  Some doors are heavier than others.  The sense of tragedy may be related to age.  Generally the younger the victim, the greater the grief.  Yet even when the elderly or infirm have been afforded merciful relief, their loved ones are rarely ready to let go.  The only length of life that seems to satisfy the longings of the human heart is life everlasting. (Nelson)

We used the ‘glove’ analogy to help our children understand the separation of the spirit and body when speaking of death.  Our hand represents our spirit as it was before we came to earth.  Very much alive.  The glove is placed over the hand to represent our physical body that we received when we come to this earth.  When the physical body dies, it is separated from our spirit.  Our spirit continues to live while the body is laid to rest.

In the past, I have read many accounts of ‘near-death’ experiences.  The one thing they all have in common, is that none of the authors who experienced this ‘near-death’ wanted to come back to earth!  This reinforces the knowledge we have from the scriptures that when our spirits depart our mortal body, we arrive into a state of peace, happiness and rest.  When I told our 6 year old, Reggie, of Mac’s passing, he said with his head cocked to one side, “you mean to tell me that Jesus made a place in heaven for Mac to relax?”  I was shocked at his matter-of-fact question and also the fact that we’ve never used that language to teach him this principle (we’ve had no reason to do so, up until now).  Then he became more interested in the ‘mechanics’ of how Jesus took Mac’s “ghost” out of his body.  He mentioned something about super-powers.  6 year olds can relate to that.

“We are limited in our visions.  With our eyes we can see but a few miles.  With our ears we can hear but a few years.  We are encased, enclosed, as it were, in a room, but when our light goes out of this life, then we see beyond mortal limitations…The walls go down, time ends and distance fades and vanishes as we go into eternity…and we immediately emerge into a great world in which there are no earthly limitations.” (Kimball)


Orson F. Whitney stated: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted.  It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility.  All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God…and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven…”

Today we mourn for Mac.  The following statement has helped me be a little bit more understanding of the mourning process…and makes it a little bit easier…just a little.

“Irrespective of age, we mourn for those loved and lost.  Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love.  It is a natural response in complete accord with divine commandment:  “Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die.” (D&C 42:45).
Moreover, we can’t fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now.  The only way to take sorrow out of death, is to take love out of life. "

God controls our lives, guides and blesses us, but gives us our agency.  I am positive in my mind that the Lord has planned our destiny.  Sometime we’ll understand fully, and when we see back from the vantage point of the future, we shall be satisfied with many of the happenings of this life that are so difficult for us to comprehend.

We knew before we were born that we were coming to the earth for bodies and experience and that we would have joys and sorrows, ease and pain, comforts and hardships, health and sickness, successes and disappointments, and we knew also that after a period of life we would die.  We accepted all these eventualities with a glad heart, eager to accept both the favourable and unfavourable.  We eagerly accepted the chance to come earthward even though it might be only for a day or a year (or 22 years, in Mac’s case).

In the face of apparent tragedy we must put our trust in God, knowing that despite our limited view, his purposes will not fail.  With all its troubles, life offers us the tremendous privilege to grow in knowledge and wisdom, faith and works, preparing to return and share God’s glory. (Kimball).

A motivational speaker and author, Richie Norton, spoke at a women’s conference I attended in the spring.  He shared with us how his 21 year old brother-in-law, who was living with them at the time, passed away suddenly in his sleep—similar to Mac.  This young man’s name was Gavin.  They had their 4th son after Gavin passed away, and named him Gavin.  Their baby Gavin, also passed away when he was just 2 1/2 months of age, from a virus.  It was at this point that Richie formulated what he calls “Gavin’s Law”. 

Gavin’s Law is this:
LIVE TO START
START TO LIVE

He has a book out on this, and describes this law in detail.  What it means to me at this time is that we must live each day to start to meet our potential and authentic self.  Live so that we don’t have to say “If only I had…” or “I should have…” or “I wish I had…”  And regardless of the past, LOVE LIFE!  Cherish each moment as a blessing from God.  Make our wrongs right and make our dreams come true.  Richie and his wife, Natalie have inspired me greatly.

Thomas S. Monson has said: “I plead with you to not let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and non-existent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do.  Instead, find joy in the journey—now.”

In the scriptures it tells us: “Ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men.  Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father:  Ye shall have eternal life.” (2 Nephi 31:20; see also John 17:3).

Death of a loved one prompts us to re-evaluate our own lives.  “Unfinished business is our worst business.  Perpetual procrastination must yield to perceptive preparation.  Today we have a little more time to bless others—time to be kinder, more compassionate, quicker to thank and slower to scold, more generous in sharing, more gracious in caring.

Then, when our turn comes to pass through the doors of death, we can say as did Paul:  “The time of my departure is at hand.  I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.”  (2 Tim. 4:6-7). (Nelson)

Live life well—even to our greatest potential.  Then the anticipation of death will not hold us hostage.  With the help of the Lord, our deeds and desires will qualify us to receive everlasting joy, glory, immortality, and eternal lives.

I know Mac wants each of us to live life well, find joy in our journey, and to seek after all things good and right in order to receive all the blessings our Father in Heaven has in store for us.  He wants us to be happy, as does our Heavenly Father and I pray that each of us finds that peace and joy as we journey on.